by Tianhua Xu
Reblogged from 255133
Everything alters me, but nothing changes me.
It surprised him that his grief was sharper than in the past few days. He had forgotten that grief does not decline in a straight line or along a slow curve like a graph in a child’s math book. Instead, it was almost as if his body contained a big pile of garden rubbish full both of heavy lumps of dirt and of sharp thorny brush that would stab him when he least expected it.
I am
a series of
small victories
and large defeats
and I am as
amazed
as any other
that
I have gotten
from there to
here.
Med den bittra realismen hos en kännare, som dyrt köpt sin erfarenhet, utmålar han kärlekens obehag, dess betänkliga kroppsliga, ekonomiska och sedliga sviter. Han giver en särdeles drastisk beskrivning på erotiskt dilirium, hur man halvkväver varandra med omfamningar, kysses så häftigt, att tänderna slås in och läpparna spricker sönder, hur man magrar, gör av med sin fars besparade förmögenhet, är i ständig oro, lider svartsjukans helvetiska kval och känner obehag.
Something else is hurting you -
that’s why you need pot or whiskey,
or whips or rubber suits.
or screaming music
turned so fucking loud
you can’t think